Pan For Gold: REWRITE!

by Sue Bradford Edwards

"You really wanted me to change all that?" A new writer gasped this out at a local critique meeting. No, we couldn't force changes on him, but needs-help version #2 looked remarkably like needed-help version #1.

Rewriting's full importance eludes many writers. It's not just a time to move a comma and change a spelling or two. In the hands of a pro, a rewrite takes rough ore and yields pure gold. It's the difference between an interesting idea and a saleable piece. As a writer of nonfiction for children and adults, these are some of the things I examine while rewriting.


WHAT'S IN A NAME

Pen a dull title and you'll have a yawning editor and a quick rejection. I make sure my titles grabs interest and makes them want to know more.

While poking around at my library, two titles caught my eye: "White Sails, Black Hands" and "The Nine-Ton Cat." The first sets up a contrast, hinting at opposites and opposition. The second title immediately had me wondering what kind of cat could weigh NINE TONS! Yet I might have walked right past "The Story of African American Whalers" and "How Art Museums Operate."

Take a look at your title. What does it promise? Does your manuscript fulfill this promise? Can you use a compelling word or phrase to stir up curiosity?


SET THE HOOK

After reworking my title, I make certain my opening paragraph sets the hook and hauls the reader in. Dry facts will cost me a reader and a sale.

Interesting facts, on the other hand, can hook readers as Lory Herbison Frame does in "This Little Piglet," (HIGHLIGHTS February 1999, pp 12-13):

"The baby warthog weighed less than two pounds when she was born."

Less than two pounds? But aren't warthogs really big? This fact leaves the reader wondering how such a tiny creature will survive. Have you collected a lot of statistics while researching your topic? One may be the perfect hook.

Facts that contradict assumptions also work well. Nancy Norton Mattila begins "`A Few Appropriate Remarks'" (HIGHLIGHTS February 1999, pp 18-19):

"Probably only a few of the fifteen thousand people who heard President Abraham Lincoln's speech at Gettysburg were impressed. He spoke so briefly that the photographer didn't even have time to take his picture.

"President Lincoln was not the featured speaker . . ."

We consider the Gettysburg Address vitally important, but it wasn't the main attraction when it was given. If people make incorrect assumptions about your topic, this technique may work for you.

You can also hook your reader with a compelling question. In "Bastion of Nowhere" (CRICKET January 2000, pp 55-59), author Michael J. Mooney opens with:

"Can you find the loneliest place in the world?"

What youngster has never felt isolated? But where IS the loneliest place on earth? Mooney promises an answer. If people are curious about your topic, open with a question.

Both action and mystery can also draw readers in as was done in Dinosaur Ghosts: The Mystery of Coelophysis (Dial Books for Young Readers, 1997). Author J. Lynett Gillette opens with:

"Hundreds of Coelophysis dinosaurs perished together here, in a tangle of necks, tails, arms and legs."

She follows with a mysterious question:

"Why did so many little dinosaurs die at Ghost Ranch?"

Like Gillette, you can use methods in combination to pull the reader in.


A SATISFYING ENDING

After I take five or six tries to find the perfect hook, I check my ending. Why keep the editor reading until the end so she can look up and say, "Who cares? Where's that rejection slip?" A strong ending should offer a takeaway, a nugget that stays with the reader.

In addition to making strong openings, questions also make effective endings by giving your reader something to mull over or spurring them to action. In Dinosaur Ghosts, Gillette presents a theory concerning what most likely killed the dinosaurs, then ends with:

"Could more information turn up that might point us toward a whole new scene?"

She encourages readers to consider the facts. What discoveries might support one of these theories or an altogether new one? By extension, could they be the ones to make these discoveries?

You can also suggest that your reader take action. Author Laurence Pringle ends An Extraordinary Life: The Story of a Monarch Butterfly (Orchard Books, 1997) with a chapter titled "How to Raise Monarch Butterflies." In doing this, he urges readers to go out and become part of the story. It also creates lasting reader appeal as they turn back to the book for additional information and ideas.

Another compelling way to end nonfiction is to broaden the focus. Throughout A Drop of Water (Scholastic Press, 1996), author Walter Wick discusses the nature and properties of water, focusing on a single drop. His last chapter expands his focus to water on the whole of planet Earth, encouraging readers to think outward. Can your topic be expanded to a national or global level?

Finally, you can also bring your manuscript full-circle, tying the ending into the beginning. Author Nicola Davies opens Big Blue Whale (Candlewick Press, 1997) with the whale's size:

"The blue whale is big. Bigger than a giraffe. Bigger than an elephant. Bigger than a dinosaur. The blue whale is the biggest creature that has ever lived on Earth!"

Closing she again discusses size, but with a twist:

". . . in the vastness of the green seas, even a blue whale is small--and hard to find."

CUT TO THE BONE

Once I've done the above, I try to cut my word count by 30%. Sound brutal? You betcha, but tight writing sells.

I review the whole manuscript again. Is each fact necessary? Does it build toward the conclusion? If I've included something irrelevant but interesting, I cut it for a sidebar or another piece on the same topic. Every word, sentence and paragraph should propel my reader toward the conclusion.

I also seek out non-productive words and phrases. I look for:

* Phrases beginning with as and words ending in -ing which may shield inactive verbs.

*--ly adverbs to replace with descriptive verbs. For example, "bellow" replaces "loudly yell."

*Redundant words including start, begin, already, just then, now, suddenly. These words announce something is taking place. Don't talk about it. Just get on with it!

*Imprecise words such as almost, basically, eventually, nearly, seems. Don't beat around the bush. Be specific.

These are just a few of my personal weaknesses. What are yours?

Have I ever cut a piece by 30%? A few weeks ago I cut a rough draft from 250 words to the 100 word limit. It took five drafts, but I made it. I've discovered that its easiest to cut excess verb-age on a hard copy--pull out the red pen and cut, cut, cut!

Not every manuscript needs radical revision, but you should see major changes in your work. The key to being published isn't being able to create a perfect first draft but in being able to see within to the finished piece it will become--and then taking it there.

[Sue Bradford Edwards rewrites her manuscripts from home in Missouri. Her book reviews run in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch while her articles for writers appear in the Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market, Children's Writer newsletter, the ICL Yearbook, the ICL 2004 Book Market, and other ICL publications. Her work for children has run in National Reading Styles Institute projects, Harcourt reading assessment exams, Ladybug, READ, and Young Equestrian Magazine. Visit her website at www.SueBradfordEdwards.8m.com.]